Goodbye

On Monday morning of last week i had to say goodbye to my family. I went on camp and spent a week with my friends. We rock climbed, mountain biked and thousands of other interesting and satisfying activities. I had such a good time and i would go back tomorrow.

Saying goodbye to my family was not terribly difficult to be honest. I didn't really miss them as i knew i would see them again on the friday afternoon. But i suppose you could look at it in a sense that in order to have a good time and achieve something, you must make sacrifices.

The next big, official sacrifice i must make will be in March when i depart for Japan. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have been fully accepted into the exchange program! Minasan Sayonara! I am so excited and i know that there are sacrifices i will have to make and things i have to delay and put back, but over all i am doing it for myself. This is the most important thing and i know i will be fine and love the experience. The only difference is that i am leaving my friends as well as my family and i am also gone for just a bit longer. But i am excited! I can not wait to go and i can not wait to return. I just want to do it now!

Two Down

Two down, many to go. Things have started moving at a rather rapid pace and i am realising that it isn't all that hard. Looking at my list, i realise that some of the things i have down are really very simple and are going to happen without any effort. Life is so good, i hope everyone has times where they can understand this. I am so grateful for what i have at the moment. Especially the trust of certain people, and the reassurance that everything will be ok. I like hearing that.

Well, off to camp next week, could be interesting. I am so glad, i can not wait to sit on that bus and let it take me, i don't care where, i don't care how far away, just take me. I won't complain, in fact i will smile, because i won't have to control what it is i'm doing.

note:

That is all i need. To know that when I return, you are there, waiting and welcoming me. And this, I can't help believing...

Relief

I had my interview...

Finally i don't have to worry about it any more. It went fine, i am glad to say. Every single bit was awesome and i am 98% sure i will be accepted. Only issue was the communication in Japanese. The questions were rather different to what i had been studying so i simply need to polish up on those and she will give me a phone call just to check that all is ok.

I am heading off to work experience today, and i am afraid to say that today will perhaps be one of the most boring days of my life. The silent office, my squeaky chair, the flickering computer screen, the sound of phones ringing...

I love the office environment but i must say, i would love to actually have something to do while i sit there. Never mind, I'll stop complaining. The most important thing is the interview and that is fine.

Life List

During an extremely boring Australian Studies i produced a list of major events that are coming up in my life within the next 10 months. By writing down this list i can stop stressing about what i am doing and relax and tick off each one as they come and savour the feelings of each. Without it, i have been looking ahead and wishing away my life, which is not good.

Melissa's Life List that commenced on Friday 15th 12.04 and 10 seconds in Australian Studies:

1. Work Experience
2. Interview
3. Camp
4. School Holidays
- Reading Journal
- History
5. Find out if you are accepted for Japan
6. Exams
7. River
8. Christmas and New Years
9. Get my P's
10. Start Year 11
11. Leave for Japan (If accepted)
12. Return
13. Establish certain relationships...
14. Continue with school
15. Exams

Free at last...

Afraid

Yes, strong and mentally sound mel is scared. I am not scared about going to Japan. I am scared about not going! I don't want to not be accepted. This is the opportunity of a lifetime and i don't want to be deprived of this. Getting it on, well, not quite paper, but out in the open is what im doing right here, as this is my journal for my Japan adventure. 5 days until my interview. I feel nervous and i hope they see the real me.

Time

I have been thinking all day today that it feels like Friday, and yet it is Monday. This makes me laugh and also wonder, how can a certain time 'feel' like another? How can we 'feel' like it is a different day, besides the obvious lesson schedules and TV guides, it is bizarre.

Also, how do we feel like time is going slow or time is going fast? Time never changes in the world in which we live and yet we have moments where we feel like a second goes for a minute and sometimes where minutes feel like seconds.

This is a crazy thought and it was on my mind all day today...

World War One

Dearest Amelia

It pains me to acknowledge the fact that it has been over a year since I saw your beautiful face. Instead of your affectionate company, I am sitting here with the rats, one on my foot, the other standing on a sandbag above my head. These trenches are hell and I don’t know how much longer I can take this life. Amelia, darling, I miss you.

This morning I awoke to the aching throb of my thigh. I have developed a painful rash and each time I look at it, it seems to have doubled in size. Mud is constantly filling the trenches and each night the flies cover my eyes and wounds. Sometimes they even creep into my mouth if it is slightly open as I sleep. The lice can be found everywhere, in my socks, hair and even the hem of my uniform. There has been heavy firing all through this dreary morning and I don’t want to know how many men have lost their lives within the last two hours, let alone throughout this whole war.

Death is unavoidable in these trenches. It is in every deceased and living man’s eyes. It has seeped into every one of our souls, like a terminal disease flowing through our veins. It is as if we are a different group of men, who once had an adventurous heart full of spirit and laughter and who now have nothing but fear, panic and a sheer desperation to maintain sanity.

Sanity is proving to be difficult to find, let alone maintain. There is no one to turn to anymore. We cannot talk about fears with each other, that time passed long ago. Now, we just understand. I look at Jim and he looks straight back. Without a smile, without even a word, we communicate in a way I have never done so before. He sees the death in my eyes and I see the death in his. The look we exchange reassures us that we are not alone.

Months ago, sleep was the only escape from reality, but now the illness of death is not only flowing through my veins, but through my mind and heart. I close my eyes and I see my friends, the men who stood beside me at the hardest of times, dead or dying as bullets tear through their flesh. They look at me in desperation and with the last few seconds of their lives they whisper to me, ‘Matthew, I don’t want to die.’ Away they fade and amidst the raging battle, I stand there helplessly, praying that I will make it home to you.

Amelia, I don’t want to die. I don’t want to leave you. You remain in my heart through every second, of every minute, of every day in my life. The day I can reach out and touch your beautiful skin will be the day that makes me the most grateful man in the world. I would give anything to be with you at this very moment.
Look after yourself Amelia, I love you.

With all my heart
Matthew

Summer

Right now i sit in a cold dark morning. And it is at moments like this that i wish the summer wind would come in from across the sea. I love summer a lot more than winter for numerous reasons.

I love the feeling of waking up with your window open and feeling the warm air on your face. Sleeping on top of your bed without getting cold and wearing tank tops and shorts all day every day. I love going to the beach and swimming in the ocean. I Love running across the hot burning sand and feeling the relief of cool water that calms your skin. I love late nights in summer when you can have dinner outside after a long day at the beach. Skiing, i love skiing so much and i love spending time up the river. Lying under a cool shade reading my favourite book while i can here the commotion of boats and skiiers in the background. I love the cold icecreams and the smell of coconut sunscreen.

I love school in summer time because we are allowed to wear our summer uniform. At school, we sit under a cool tree and lie on the grass. Summer is great for fresh fruit and healthy eating and you have so much more energy and life within you in summer time. I love the summer holidays! Running under sprinklers, swimming in the pool, no homework! Christmas, for me here in Australia, is in the summer time. I love it so much as you get to spend time with your family, have great fun and eat the most yummiest foods! You can wear pretty clothes because the weather is warm! Bring on the summertime...

The Journey Begins

After my obsessive lists i thought i should actually complete a blog that contains words in a sentence rather than simple statements. So here it is, ladies and gentlemen, words by melissa.

At the moment in my life i am at a very busy stage. It is odd, i am so busy yet i find myself with copious amounts of spare time in which i simply sit and stare at the full pages of my diary, attempting to learn by heart every meeting date, assignment deadline and working shift.

Certainly the most prominent date that stands out amongst the scribblings in my diary is the meeting i am attending on September the 19th... an interview for my Japanese exchange program. I am praying that i make it as this exchange will be a defining moment in my life. It is part of my journey that i feel compelled to live.

I have decided that this blog shall be my memory and diary in which i will communicate to home, from my life in Japan, that is if i am accepted! For now, i shall post whatever is on my heart. This blog is the beginning of my journey to Japan. I feel as if posting this is the start of it all, even though i have spent such a long time on application papers, this is where i have first shared my feelings with the world. It feels good...


Melissa